Did Someone Say ‘Dad Jokes’?

Whether it be slipping these babies into your next Father’s Day card or saving them for a first date (one way to break the ice), I sincerely hope you find these jokes as entertaining as I do, with the odd eye roll and facepalm. Enjoy!

  • “This bouncy castle’s twice the price of last year.” “That’s inflation for you!”
  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth…then it’s a soap opera. (MY FAVOURITE!!)
  • I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surpised.
  • I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from London Zoo.
  • I thought about going on an all-almond diet…but that’s just nuts.
  • Just read a few facts about frogs. They were ribbiting.
  • “Connect the dots” isn’t always addictive, as long as you know where to draw the line.
  • Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he neverlands!
  • What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
  • Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
  • What do unicorns call their father? Pop-corn.
  • Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.
  • I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
  • I’ve just been diagnosed as colour blind. I know, it certainly has come out of the purple.
  • Why did Barbie never fall pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box.
  • Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E? He had a vowel movement.
  • Why shouldn’t you write with a dull pencil? It’s pointless.
  • Where do you find a dog with no legs? Exactly where you left him.
  • My dad used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then he turned himself around and that’s what it’s all about.
  • What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.
  • How many friends did the priest have? Nun.
  • How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
  • What sport do you play with a wombat? Wom.
  • What kind of bees make milk? Boobees.
  • What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.
  • How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His hand slipped.
  • What is it called when Batman skips out on church? Christian bale.
  • Did you know diarrhoea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans.
  • I invented a time machine next week.

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