Don’t Grope the Widow/er

Don’t Grope the Widow/er

Anybody who’s been to a funeral knows that there’s an unsaid etiquette in how to handle the emotional farewells. Without a specific How-Not-To-Be-An-Ass-At-A-Funeral guide, there’s no doubt that behaving appropriately and offering your condolences to the bereaved can be a little uncomfortable and stressful at times. With that said, I’ve decided to create a light-hearted list inspired by the hilarious movie ‘Death at a Funeral’ (we’ll pretend the American version doesn’t exist) of things you should never do during a funeral.

 

 Advocate Satanism
Burn the Bible
Cannibalise the body
Dack the priest
Eat skittles
Forget the deceased’s name
Grope the widow/er
Have some booze
Inspect your genital warts
Jab the annoying baby
Kidnap the coffin
Look over your vacation plans
Monopoly time!
Notify the bereaved of the deceased’s mistress
Open a can of tuna
Photograph ugly criers
Question your entitlements in the will
Renew your wedding vows
Sext
Throw knives at people
Ukelele practise?
Vacuum up the skittles you just dropped
Wolf whistle at the widow/er
Xylography – showcasing your expertise on the coffin (I think I should get an award for finding a somewhat relevant word beginning with X. Xylography is the art of engraving on wood)
Yell, “He never liked you!”
Zoom past people to the food table

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